Pee Stool: Making Life Simpler

Splashes become a worry once you hit the high end of five feet, which is why this Japanese "Angels Knee Pillow" is a decent alternative, even if it is a little degrading.

The pillows come in two options, a split-mode one and a larger, single unit variety. It's pretty gross when you think about getting your junk THAT close to the toilet, but even grosser if you're so short that your goods actually touch the rim of the bowl. An easier solution would be just to pee sitting down. {Via}

This is her nightmare. What is yours?

Image by madhorse5 via Flickr

A 32-year-old man in southern Sweden found guilty of assaulting his ex-girlfriend has been granted a lower than usual sentence because of the suffering caused when he was bitten in the testicles by the woman's Rottweiler.

Helsingborg District Court sentenced the man to one and a half years in jail for aggravated assault after finding him guilty of stabbing his ex-girlfriend twice from behind with a knife. The court said he would have received a longer sentence had he not been severely bitten in course of the melee.

{Read on}

"Who was dumb enough not to look into this?"

Crude, vile and vicious is what you are.

Image by AFP/Getty Images via Daylife

Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and George W. Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks in a new anti-terrorism process.
When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the arm of Akhund's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin.
Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough.
"I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!"A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation.
They begin talking and George presses the first button. Akhund ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers but they continue talking. A few minutes later he presses the second button. Akhund jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens.
Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!"
George W. says, through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan?"

I was studying for an econ exam--looking over old tests--and I did a double take... Have a look at questions 19 and 20! WTF?

Image via Wikipedia

Dr. Barry Haworth
University of Louisville
Department of Economics
Economics 201
Fall 1998

Midterm #1
(Questions and Solutions)

Exam Solutions: The multiple choice answers (for Version A) are given in boldfaced print and the short answer question answers (for Version A) are given below each question.


1. Economic analysis is best designed to answer which question:
a. why goods and services are so scarce
b. what are the scarce factors and resources in different countries
c. why do people have unlimited wants when they buy goods and services
d. how should scarce goods and services be allocated amongst demanders with unlimited wants


2. When discussing Marginal Cost or Marginal Benefit, the word "marginal" means:
a. a small change
b. average
c. monetary
d. equal


3. Each student's opportunity cost of attending UofL is:
a. the monetary cost of paying tuition
b. the monetary cost of paying tuition and buying books and supplies
c. other activities that must be sacrificed if the person is to attend college
d. the extra time each student now must spend in studying for exams


4. What is the best description of the term normative economic analysis
a. where economic situations are described but opinions are left out
b. where one's personal views will impact their analysis of an economic event
c. where economic situations are described objectively
d. where one describes how various curves within a model will shift as events take place


5. On the production possibilities curve (PPC), points located outside the curve are:
a. inefficient points
b. equilibrium points
c. efficient points
d. unattainable points


6. The best definition of equilibrium is:
a. a point where there is no tendency toward change
b. the point where output occurs within a market
c. when the economy is producing along its PPC
d. the condition that determines the price in a market
e. both b and d are correct


7. In economic analysis, what purpose do models serve?
a. allow for prediction of future events
b. allow an analyst to explain how one variable will affect another variable
c. allow an analyst to explain why certain events occurred
d. all of the above


Questions #8-10 refer to the following PPC situation:
The island of Togo can produce either 4 units of shoes or 8 units of bananas. The island of Fiji can produce either 4 units of shoes or 12 units of bananas.

8. Which statement about Togo is true:
a. Togo has a comparative advantage in producing shoes
b. Togo has a comparative advantage in producing bananas
c. Togo has the absolute advantage in producing shoes
d. Togo has the absolute advantage in producing bananas


9. If unskilled labor from Fiji migrate to Togo, then which statement is true:
a. Togo's PPC will not shift, because the labor is unskilled
b. Togo's PPC will shift out, but production won't necessarily increase
c. Togo's PPC will shift in, but production won't necessarily decrease
d. Togo's PPC will not shift, because the unskilled workers will be unemployed


10. If a labor saving innovation occurs in Fiji's banana production, then what will happen?
a. The innovation will switch the absolute advantage in banana production to Fiji
b. The innovation will give Fiji a comparative advantage in shoe production
c. The innovation will shift Fiji's PPC outward (increase) for bananas but inward (decrease) for shoes
d. The innovation doesn't change Fiji's comparative advantage in banana production


Questions #11-12 are taken from the PPC relationship in the table below.


11. Between pts. C and D, what is the opportunity cost of each automobile?
a. 2 tractors
b. 12 automobiles
c. 1/6 tractor
d. 6 tractors
e. none of the above


12. Between pts. D and E, what is the opportunity cost of each tractor?
a. 16 automobiles
b. 2 tractors
c. 1/8 automobile
d. 8 automobiles
e. none of the above


13. A country is currently producing along (on) its PPC. If the country is suddenly able to produce more of both goods, which explanation must be true?
a. This country is specializing.
b. The productivity assocated with producing both goods is lower.
c. There was an increase in comparative advantage for both goods.
d. More laborers are available to produce both goods.


14. If a rancher produces only hamburgers, and a farmer produces only french fries, the ranch and farmer:
a. cannot gain from trade
b. could gain from trade when one or both have an absolute advantage
c. could gain from trade because each would enjoy a greater variety of food
d. could gain from trade only if each is producing both goods


15. If Michael Jordan is a better basketball player and lecturer than Professor Haworth:
a. then Michael Jordan's opportunity cost of playing basketball and lecturing is less than that of Professor Haworth
b. then Michael Jordan would be better off playing basketball and lecturing
c. then Michael Jordan will have a comparative advantage in both goods
d. then Michael Jordan and Professor Haworth may benefit from specialization and trade


16. Falling production costs had what effect on the VHS video manufacturing market?
a. increase in demand for videos
b. decrease in demand for videos
c. increase in supply of videos
d. decrease in supply of videos


17. How would a decrease in movie theatre ticket prices (e.g. providing a matinee performance) affect the market for popcorn and candy?
a. increase in demand, since these are complements
b. decrease in demand, since these are complements
c. increase in demand, since these are substitutes
d. decrease in demand, since these are substitutes


18. Cable TV and VCRs have had an adverse effect on movie theatre attendance. What relationship between these goods and movie theatres would cause such a result?
a. they are demand-related substitutes
b. they are demand-related complements
c. all are normal goods
d. all are inferior goods
e. all are goods with elastic demand


19. Count Footula is a foot-fetish video in the pornographic video market (and no, I haven't seen it). If this video has an income elasticity that equals -1.2, then it:
a. is a normal good
b. is an inferior good
c. is a luxury
d. is income elastic
e. both b and d are correct


20. The pornographic video industry is one of the few industries where women are paid substantially more than men (for comparable "work"). Suppose government wanted to rectify this problem with a price floor. How would a price floor affect the average actor, if the average actor makes only $25,000 per year:
a. would cause a shortage of actors, if the floor was set at $20,000
b. would have no effect on the average actor if the floor was set at $30,000
c. would cause a surplus of actors, if the floor was set at $30,000
d. both a and c are possible
e. both b and c are possible


21. The X-files TV series has expanded from being just a television show to producing a feature length movie as well as provide video tapes of certain episodes. What direct effect would producing this movie have on the market for these video tapes:
a. decrease the price of the videos, if more consumers buy the videos after watching the movie
b. increase demand, as the number of possible consumers increases after watching the movie
c. increase supply, after paying such high salaries to the movie's actors
d. decrease demand, since the price of substitute goods is much higher


22. According to the textbook, a "Price" acts as:
a. an incentive to sellers
b. a constraint to buyers
c. a way of placing a number on the value that a consumer places on a good or service
d. all of the above


23. All other things held constant, when the price of a good falls, the quantity supplied of that good also falls. This illustrates:
a. the law of supply
b. the law of demand
c. the law of increasing costs
d. the law of nature


24. Suppose Ford and the United Auto Workers sign a new wage contract, where Ford pays less of the workers' health care costs. How would the market for new cars be affected?
a. increase in the demand for new cars
b. decrease in the supply of new cars
c. increase in the supply of new cars
d. decrease in the demand for new cars


25. What is the direct effect of placing a price ceiling above the equilibrium price?
a. quantity demanded is greater than quantity supplied
b. quantity demanded is equal to quantity supplied
c. quantity supplied is greater than quantity demanded
d. the equilibrium price will increase


26. What is a possible indirect effect from rent controls in Louisville?
a. related rental markets experience an increase in demand as people leave Louisville because of the lack of rental housing
b. related rental markets experience a decrease in demand as people leave these markets to occupy low rent housing in Lousiville
c. increase in the supply of rental housing in Louisville, to keep up with the high demand
d. falling rents will occur in Louisville


27. In market Z, constant technological change causes supply to grow at a quicker rate than demand. If a price ceiling is placed below the equilibrium price in market Z, then what effect do you expect to see if the ceiling is left unchanged for a period of 10 years?
a. a worsening shortage over time
b. a worsening surplus over time
c. a lessening shortage over time, which may eventually be zero
d. a lessening surplus over time, which may eventually be zero


In answering questions #28-30, choose only the response that is always true

28. If good B's own price elasticity of demand is -0.96, then good B is a(n):
a. complement
b. substitute
c. normal good
d. inferior good
e. inelastic good


29. A luxury is also a(n):
a. complement
b. substitute
c. normal good
d. inferior good
e. inelastic good


30. What does a positive cross price elasticity imply:
a. complement
b. substitute
c. normal good
d. inferior good
e. inelastic good


The following information about Good X corresponds with Questions #31-32.
If the price of Good X increases by 5%, then 4% less of it is sold. If Good Y's price increases by 5%, then 8% less of Good X is sold.

31. What is the income elasticity of Good X:
a. -0.625
b. -0.8
c. -1.6
d. 1.6
e. not enough information given to provide an answer


32. What is the (own) price elasticity of demand for Good X:
a. -0.625
b. -0.8
c. -1.6
d. 1.6
e. not enough information given to provide an answer


33. When a per unit (commodity) tax is placed on suppliers in a market, what is the result?
a. decrease in demand
b. increase in demand
c. increase in supply
d. decrease in supply


34. A per unit (commodity) tax is placed on broccoli and candy bar suppliers. If the demand curve for candy bars is more elastic than the demand curve for broccoli, then:
a. consumers will pay more of the per unit tax on candy bars than on broccoli
b. consumers will pay more of the per unit tax on broccoli than on candy bars
c. consumers always bear the entire burden from any sales tax
d. the quantity demanded for candy bars will rise by more than that for broccoli


35. A per unit (commodity) tax is placed on the suppliers of a certain product. If the demand curve for this product is completely horizontal, then what do you expect to happen:
a. suppliers will bear the entire burden of the tax, consumers will bear nothing
b. consumers will bear the entire burden of the tax, suppliers will bear nothing
c. consumers and suppliers will each bear some of the tax burden
d. the consumers will bear a greater burden from the tax than suppliers


36. Willingness to pay measures
a. the value that a buyer places on a good
b. what a buyer is willing to pay for a good minus the amount the buyer actually pays for it
c. what a seller receives for a good, minus the minimum amount the seller is willing to pay
d. the maximum amount a buyer is willing to pay, minus the amount the seller is willing to accept


37. Consumer surplus is
a. the quantity of a good consumers get but did not have to pay for
b. the amount a consumer does pay, minus the amount the consumer is willing to pay
c. the amount a consumer is willing to pay, minus the amount the consumer did pay
d. the total value of a good to a consumer


38. Every time a consumer buys a good or service
a. he/she gains consumer surplus
b. his/her willingness to pay is less than his/her consumer surplus
c. he/she paid more than he/she was willing to pay
d. all of the above are always correct
e. none of the above are always correct


39. Consumer equilibrium occurs where (when):
a. a consumer spends less than their income (i.e. saves money)
b. a consumer's income equals their expenditure (i.e. doesn't save money)
c. the satisfaction from the last unit purchased (of a good) equals the good's price
d. the total satisfaction from all purchases equals the overall amount spent


40. Producer surplus measures
a. what sellers received in excess of the market price
b. the benefit to sellers of participating in a market
c. the difference between a consumer's willingness to pay the seller and the market price
d. all of the above




Short Answer Questions
1. Country A can produce 100 units of corn or 200 units of shoes. Country B can produce 200 units of corn and 400 units of shoes. Who has a comparative advantage in producing shoes? Show your work, and explain your answer.

Neither country has a comparative advantage in corn or shoes because their opportunity costs are the same for each good. See the calculations (and comparisons) below.

* The opportunity cost in A of producing corn is 2 units of shoes (i.e. 200/100)
* The opportunity cost in B of producing corn is 2 units of shoes (i.e. 400/200)

* The opportunity cost in A of producing shoes is a 1/2 unit of shoes (i.e. 100/200)
* The opportunity cost in B of producing shoes is a 1/2 unit of shoes (i.e. 200/400)




Questions #2 and 3 use the following information:
The demand and supply curves below describe the U.S. market for sequined, white Elvis shirts.

Demand: P = 100 - 2Qd
Supply: P = 20 + 8Qs


2. What is the equilibrium price and quantity for Elvis shirts in the U.S.?

Set Demand equal to Supply (and drop the subscripts for now):

100 - 2Q = 20 + 8Q


Solve for Q*:

Q* = 8


Plug Q* into Demand or Supply, and solve for P*

P = 100 - 2(8) = $84




3. What effect does a $60 price ceiling have on this market?
In your answer, state the amount of any surplus or shortage (and show your work).

Since the price ceiling is set below the equilibrium price of $84, it will cause a shortage (of 15 units). When producers must charge the price ceiling price of $60, then we can determine their output (quantity supplied) by looking at the supply curve.

To find Qs, set the Supply equation equal to $60 and solve for Qs:

$60 = 20 + 8Qs
Qs = 5


To find out how much people want to buy at a price of $60, set the Demand equation equal to $60 also, and solve for Qd:

$60 = 100 - 2Qd
Qd = 20


Any shortage is measured as the difference between quantity demanded and quantity supplied: Qd - Qs = 20 - 5 = 15.



Use the following stock information (taken from the Wall Street Journal) as you would have seen it when completing the second homework assignment from class.


4. Noting how the (final) price and quantity of each stock changes from day to day, state whether each stock is experiencing a decrease in demand, increase in demand, decrease in supply or increase in supply.

a. IBM

(close) Price decreased and (Vol) quantity increased, which implies an increase in supply


b. PepsiCo

Price decreased and quantity decreased, which implies a decrease in demand


c. Coca Cola Ent.

Price increased and quantity increased, which implies an increase in demand


d. Gen Motors

Price decreased and quantity decreased, which implies a decrease in demand

(for part d, on Version A, some people noticed that Net Chg shows a price increase, so I tried to give the appropriate credit to people -- if they pointed this out)

Baffled again by bullshit

Image via Wikipedia

Guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'
The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
'You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year.'
The guy, wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!' The social worker said, 'Yeah, well . . . you started it.'

Happy Side effects of Production Accidents.

From October, 4th 1957 till January, 2008 of 4600 starts, about 6000 satellites from which approximately 400 fly outside of a geostationary orbit or on interplanetary trajectories.

You cant be seroius. WTF.

Image by Intrepidation via Flickr

Dear Fucker...
You are my fuckin friend...
And I hope u know thats fuckin true...
No matter what the fuck happens...
I will stand the fuck by u...
I will fuckin be there for u...
When ever the fuck u need me...
To lend a fuckin hand....
To do a fuckin good deed...
So fuckin call on me....
Whenever the fuck u need me...
Fuck, i will always be there...
Even to the bitter fuckin end...
Send this fucking promise to all your fuckin friends to
show your fuckin friendship and watch who fuckin Sends it
back to u...and if they dont send it back.... FUCK THEM!!!!!!

F.U.C.K STANDS FOR

(F)RIEND
(U)
(C)AN
(K)EEP

SO PROMISE ME WE'LL BE F.U.C.K ..er's FOREVER!!!!!!

Thank you.

Bumper to bumper, Butt to Butt, Get Off My Ass You Crazy Nut!

Image by Genista via Flickr

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.

One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicobate patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.'

The other one replies, 'It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day.'

He should not have stroked himself in midair then...

Image by Brave Heart via Flickr

...everyone knows what can happen if you stroke yourself too much.

A pilot who suddenly went blind while flying his plane at 5,500ft (1,676m) was guided in to land by an RAF plane.

A plane was scrambled from the RAF base at Linton-on-Ouse in North Yorkshire to help stricken pilot Jim O'Neill, 65.

He was flying a two-seater Cessna aircraft from Glasgow Prestwick Airport to Colchester, Essex, when he suffered a stroke and lost his sight.

The RAF plane flew alongside Mr O'Neill and the pilot shepherded him to the base with instructions over the radio.

{Read On...}

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Well, it's not real deep or anything. The guy wants to get laid and he's telling her to give it up.

Ah! The pride of Lions

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

Image via Wikipedia

A Russian guy was walking down the street when he came across a bottle of vodka. He picked it up, opened it and a genie came out and said, "You are my master. You now have one wish."

The Russian man said, "I would like to piss vodka."

When the he got home he told his wife to get two glasses. She brought them and asked what they'd be drinking. He told her he could piss vodka, and of course she didn't believe him. So he pissed in the glasses, she smelled one, and said, "It smells like vodka!"

Then they drank some and couldn't believe it, but it tasted like vodka too! Indeed, it was the best vodka they'd ever had.

So the next night the Russian guy came home tired and told his wife to get one glass. She asked him, "Why only one glass?"

"Because tonight," he said, "you're drinking from the bottle!"

WHY WOMEN CAN'T SLEEP

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Everyone of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man, only has 2 balls and they consume all his thoughts.

Ah! an American who speaks American.

Image by Rev Stan via Flickr

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as "APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS"

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL BUTT' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'

The right way, the wrong way, or the way that I do it

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the "Tickle Me" Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at the "Tickle Me" Elmo factory and She reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are "Tickle Me" Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of "Tickle Me" Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two "test tickles."

He had a hypothesis about his head fitting through the hole in the seat and he set out to collect empirical data to support said hypothesis.

That boy is going to become a scientist or Chair-Safety tester.

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!

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A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'

'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.

'Oh, OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?

(I LOVE THIS ONE...........)

She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

The Catholic story

Image via Wikipedia

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say "Your Eminence."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, well hung, Male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God."

Holy shhit it's doing a wheelie.. oh gawd.. that's not a wheelie!!

I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to stop considering someone attractive once you've learned that their vagina is fake...

Image by yewenyi via Flickr

Now there is a question you do not get too often... A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady 'Do you have a v@gina?' She slams the door in disgust... The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it is the same man, and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a v@gina'. She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'. The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door.


The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'. She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. Do you have v@gina'....... 'Yes' she says...... The man replies Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours'?

Why Women Move to Queensland

They grow on trees here.

5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

Image by Oberazzi via Flickr

The questions are:


What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?


What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (I.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.


*********



Question # 1: What are you thinking about?


The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

Baseball. Football. How fat you are. How much prettier she is than you. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.


(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")


*********


Question # 2: Do you love me?


The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:


I suppose so. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? That depends on what you mean by love. Does it matter? Who, me?


*********


Question # 3: Do I look fat?


The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:


Compared to what? I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. A little extra weight looks good on you. I've seen fatter. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


*********


Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?


Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:


Yes, but you have a better personality Not prettier, but definitely thinner Not as pretty as you, when you were her age Define 'pretty' Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


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Question #5: What would you do if I died?


A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")


No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:


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She....Would you get married again?

He.....Definitely not!

She....Why not - don't you like being married?

He.....Of course I do.

She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He.....Okay, I'd get married again.

She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He.....Yes, I would.

She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He.....Where else would we sleep?

She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

The perfect day

This is what you call a perfect day..

Really funny ...

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