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Beer In A Green Bottle Is Good. But This Is So Much Better.

Doctor's whip up interesting stories.

Image by Stuck in Customs via Flickr

Steve and Fiona were making passionate love in Steve's VW Van when suddenly Fiona, being a bit on the kinky side, yelled out "Oh fatboy, whip me, whip me!"

Steve, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opened the window, snapped the antenna off his van and proceeded to whip Fiona until they both collapsed in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, Fiona noticed that the marks left by the whipping session were starting to fester a bit so she went to the doctor. The doctor took one look at the wounds and asked, "Did you get these marks having sex??"

Fiona, embarrassed to own up to having kinky sex, eventually admitted that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor said, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring, it's the worse case of "van aerial" disease I've ever seen." !

The right way, the wrong way, or the way that I do it, Gentleman.

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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I bought this hat just yesterday!"

No… I'm not gonna explain it anymore times.

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A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive blonde female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

Image via Wikipedia

A Russian guy was walking down the street when he came across a bottle of vodka. He picked it up, opened it and a genie came out and said, "You are my master. You now have one wish."

The Russian man said, "I would like to piss vodka."

When the he got home he told his wife to get two glasses. She brought them and asked what they'd be drinking. He told her he could piss vodka, and of course she didn't believe him. So he pissed in the glasses, she smelled one, and said, "It smells like vodka!"

Then they drank some and couldn't believe it, but it tasted like vodka too! Indeed, it was the best vodka they'd ever had.

So the next night the Russian guy came home tired and told his wife to get one glass. She asked him, "Why only one glass?"

"Because tonight," he said, "you're drinking from the bottle!"

Ah! an American who speaks American.

Image by Rev Stan via Flickr

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as "APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS"

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL BUTT' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'

McDonald's Birthday Party To Be Happiest Time In Child's Life

pradeep recommends a page from The Onion.

The recommended page is: McDonald's Birthday Party To Be Happiest Time In Child's Life

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