The complete set on Flickr- To view click here.
"my picks are the one with Emmanuel Rahm and Barack hugging a soldier.....forget the first one - photoshop shit to capture your attention." - Murali Sridharan.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Being Obama - My Picks
The complete set on Flickr- To view click here.
"my picks are the one with Emmanuel Rahm and Barack hugging a soldier.....forget the first one - photoshop shit to capture your attention." - Murali Sridharan.
A corny tongue-in-cheek quiz.
Image by purprin via Flickr
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A ... They don't have balls to scratch!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tales calculated to drive you Mad
Image via Wikipedia
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: 'Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?'
Reporter (obviously embarrassed): 'Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?'
Farmer: 'And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?'
Reporter: 'Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?'
Farmer: 'I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?' The program was never aired...
Monday, July 20, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
This guys sounds like he has only the breast of intentions
I AM LOOKING TO BREASTFEED MAYBE AS MUCH AS ONCE A DAY.
YOU MUST BE VERY FULL OF MILK AND WILLING TO FEED ME LIKE A BABE IN YOUR ARMS.
I AM A WARM, FRIENDLY, AND FUN GUY.
GIVE ME A CHANCE, WHAT THE HECK!!!!!
PostingID: 1272958318 YOU MUST BE VERY FULL OF MILK AND WILLING TO FEED ME LIKE A BABE IN YOUR ARMS.
I AM A WARM, FRIENDLY, AND FUN GUY.
GIVE ME A CHANCE, WHAT THE HECK!!!!!
- Location: SFV
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
- Compensation: Neg.
Friday, July 17, 2009
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for ...?~ Lily tomlin
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying - Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..."
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Holy scam spam
Image by jepoirrier via Flickr
Most holy greetings in most holy name of the only true God and Lord our saviour Jesus Christ, May the holy spirit of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. I am Mrs.Agatha Adams from Bolivia , I married to Mr. Francis Adams, who work with Bolivia Embassy in Cote d Ivoire for sixteen years before he died in the year 2007.We were married for twenty years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Holy Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2.5.Million in one of the finance bank here in Abidjan-Cote d Ivoire for safe keeping. Presently, my Doctor confirmed to me that I have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Heaven known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to a beloved one like you, that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein according to Proverbs 22:9,Matthew 6:3.. I want beloved someone like you to use this fund for, orphanages, helping Deaf homes, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained. For Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that gives. I took this decision because I dont have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I dont want my husbands efforts to be used by unbelievers. I dont want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the Lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace, I dont need any telephone communication in this regard because of the presence of my husbands relatives around me always for I dont want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I will give you the contact of the finance firm here in Abidjan.I want you and the family to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or born again individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will do accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your soon reply at agatha-adams@hotmail.fr
Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ
Mrs.Agatha Adams
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Virginity : A big issue over a little tissue.
The doctor said, 'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel..'
The man was astonished and ssked, 'So what do I do with these?'
The doc replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue, and if she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw", you hit her head with the shovel.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I am not asking you to laugh. I am telling you jokes.
Image by Malingering via Flickr
He wrote:
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he w rote…
7.) It comes in such cute containers.
**************
A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain…do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds:
“He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”
***************
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, “You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around” he stated in a telephone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged ‘need.’ “Guess I was really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
“It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said officer Taylor. “I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.”
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
“I said, “Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?”
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said…
“A pumpkin? Shit…is it midnight already?”
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Saw ghost in the mirror. Turned. Died.
Weird and wonderful stories were always going to emerge whenever Michael Jackson died and among them is one that has literally come out of the woodwork.
According to CBS 13, a family in the Californian city of Stockton believes the image of the King of Pop appeared on their tree stump the day he died. {Read on}
According to CBS 13, a family in the Californian city of Stockton believes the image of the King of Pop appeared on their tree stump the day he died. {Read on}
Saturday, July 4, 2009
But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king...? Queens.
Image by dejahthoris via Flickr
The evangelist said.. "For those of you who are sick, I want to pray with you so that you can be cured of your sickness. Place your right hand on the part of your body that is suffering from disorder, and raise your left hand." The husband placed his right hand on his privates, raised his left hand, and closed his eyes. His wife saw what he did, and slowly whispered, "Honey, this prayer is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead!"
Fascinating! look at this! America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can do anything on the streets!
Image via Wikipedia
In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.
Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck.
He looked down at the two, still on the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!"
Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
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