Chasing Perfection

It's just an omelet. How hard can it be? Well, depending on what you're looking for, it can be super-easy or almost unattainable by Francis Lam

This story - on craft, care, and the French way with eggs - was originally published in the late, great Gourmet magazine, March 2008. We're bringing it back in honor of French Week on Gilt Taste. - Ed. 

I hit it once, just once, but it was beautiful. It was exam time and I was nervous, waiting for my turn. I had the proper fire. The heat felt right. I made smooth, swirling passes with my spatula, and when I rolled my pan over the plate, I knew it. Chef took a look at my omelet and squinted at me. He poked at it, pinched it, and then he knew, too. He called out to the class, "When you show me yours, I want it to look like this." He set the plate in the window for the rest of the school to see, then turned around and gave me a quick wink.

Before Chef Skibitcky got ahold of my brain, I, like every other rational person, thought an omelet was something anyone can make. You throw eggs in a pan, stir them around, fold them in half, and put them on a plate. Done. No-brainer. It only gets interesting when you start tossing in other things - ham, some cheese, maybe a sautéed mushroom or two. Once, there was an omelet contest in my college cafeteria. The winner had it all wrapped up the minute he pulled an avocado and a wedge of Brie out of his bag. Young girls screamed and old men yelled. I stood and watched quietly, respecting him. {Read on via Gilttaste}

Yo, Tony, give me some of them hamburgers!

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American: can i have a double cheese burger, extra large fries and a super sized diet coke please? 

British: wtf? why are you getting all that crap then having a diet coke? why not just go all the way and kill yourself in one go?!!?!

mozza burger

the greatest burger ever, it can be purchased at A&W. Mozza cheese, bacon, tomato, and tons of other delicious ingredients. is better than a whopper or a big mac. much better.

If i lived close to an A&W, i know i would be morbidly obese simply because of the mozza burger.

Suicide Burger

Another name for Burger King's famous Quad Stacker burger. possibly the greatest burger known to man, but also the most unhealthy and dangerous. 4 meat patties, with 4 slices of cheese, strips of bacon strewn throughout, and some kind of sauce no one knows about. you'll probably die of a heart attack if you eat too many in a short amount of time.

last week, i walked down to BK and ordered a Suicide Burger.

Burger Baron

The greatest god damn burger shop in the whole fucking world. Nothing you have ever tasted, as far as burgers are concerned, will ever compare to the delicious amazing "soft but crispy" greatness of theBurger Baron Patty. The Restaurant is only a small business that is found in Edmonton, but there is one small store found in Kelowna. The buns are prepared in unconventional ways, using a "secret" sauce (mustard, ketchup, relish, and... well im not quite sure...) and it is guarantied to make your mouth water every time someone even mentions the name "Burger Baron".

Raymond: "Hey, you wanna get some Burger Baron tonight?"
Smith: "You fucking know it, that shit is the best!"

Hamburgerman

A comic book character created by none other than ME, Joseph. In the comics, Hamburgerman originated as a Wendy's Classic Single. But he was then super-sized and became Hamburgerman, and gained super powers. He flew away and landed at the Burger Cave(Burger King) and dedicated his life to fighting evil. Some of the villains he has battled include the Super Fry, The Six-Dollar Burger, but his greatest villain is Pizza Slice. Luckily his trusty sidekick, Pizza Boy, is always there to fight and drive the Pizzamobile. Hamburgerman has starred in 6 ground-breaking, award-winning seasons and is preparing for a seventh.

Hamburgerman defeated the Six-Dollar Burger in Season 2 with his ketchup blaster.

McDonalds

The greatest food in the world. Its fast, hot, and DELICIOUS. It's your fuckin problem if you get fat from it. Its called 'deal with it.'

burger king can kiss my a$$

eh

The greatest catchphrase ever

An lo! The Lord entered the burger joint, and wisenly spake, "Eeeeeeeeeh"

-Happy Days 3:14

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A sarcasm detector? Wow, That's a really useful invention.

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A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu, "I'd like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked that it's runny, and one so over cooked that it's tough and hard to eat.

"I'd also like grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."

That's a complicated order sir", said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."

The guest replied sarcastically, "It can't be that difficult because that's exactly what you brought me yesterday!"

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I didn't need to know that existed. Welcome to the Internet I guess...

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

This book hopes to change that.

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

Product Details

Copyright	©2008 (Standard Copyright License)
Language	English
Country	United States
Publication Date	July 24, 2009
Page Count	61 pages
Size	Landscape
Binding	Perfect Bound
Interior Color	Full-color

{Get it here}