Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Talking Dirty with Baseball.
Image by Getty Images via Daylife
* Double - Getting to touch her supple breasts
* Triple - Inserting your finger into her pussy, or receiving a hand job
* Inside the park home run - Receiving oral sex
* Home Run - Getting laid
* Grand Slam - Group sex
* Bunt - Getting a kiss on the cheek or a plain kiss
* Sacrifice fly/bunt - Your friend scores while you entertain the asexual "friend" of the girl with whom he's scoring
* Strikeout - Leaning in for a kiss and coming up with nothing
* Hit by pitch - Being kissed by someone you don't want to be kissed by, or kissing someone who obviously didn't want you to
* Walk - You get a hug
* Double play - You and your friend both fail to make it
* Balk - Going too far while making out, thus ending in her refusing to make out with you anymore
* Pinch hitting - stealing the potential mate of a drunk/passed out/absent friend
* Save - Managing to make out with a girl even after embarrasing yourself in front of her earlier
* Extra Innings - Having more than one sexual encounter in a night
* Stealing a base - Managing to get to a certain base only because she was drunk
* Stealing home - You rapist, you
* Foul Ball - Blue balls
* Rain Delay - Not getting laid because she is on her period
* On Deck - You are on a date, but not currently making it
* Batting Practice - For you fools who feel the need to rehearse in front of the mirror
* Buying a Stadium Hot Dog or Beer - Getting screwed
* Pulling a Sammy Sosa - the use of unnatural substances to improve your play (cork in bats, viagra, spit ball
Monday, September 14, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Heard, that's what he said " I'm sorry sir, but you will have to stand in line for that too."
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United fight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly, and angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, " I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS!"
The agent replied, " I'm sorry sir, I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear. "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. " May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing through the terminal. " We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."
With the folks behind him laughing in line hysterically, the man glare at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F--- you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, " I'm sorry sir, but you will have to stand in line for that too."
~~~~~~
The agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress had been selling her body for 100 dollars a night. The agent, who had long lusted after her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have to pay her the same 100 dollars that the other customers did.
He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even get my agent's 10% as a deduction?"
"No, siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full price for it just like the other Johns."
The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local nightclub. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.
At 1 a.m., she was awakened again. And again, she was vigorous! ly done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love to again. The actress was impressed with her lover's vitality.
"My goodness," she whispered in the dark, "you are so virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."
"I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at the door selling tickets."
The agent replied, " I'm sorry sir, I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear. "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. " May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing through the terminal. " We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."
With the folks behind him laughing in line hysterically, the man glare at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F--- you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, " I'm sorry sir, but you will have to stand in line for that too."
~~~~~~
The agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress had been selling her body for 100 dollars a night. The agent, who had long lusted after her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have to pay her the same 100 dollars that the other customers did.
He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even get my agent's 10% as a deduction?"
"No, siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full price for it just like the other Johns."
The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local nightclub. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.
At 1 a.m., she was awakened again. And again, she was vigorous! ly done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love to again. The actress was impressed with her lover's vitality.
"My goodness," she whispered in the dark, "you are so virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."
"I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at the door selling tickets."
Monday, September 7, 2009
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