Quick management lessons

contributed By:The Fun blog

> Lesson 1
>
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
> front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
> me?'
> Moral of the story
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
> shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> exposure.
>
>
>
> Lesson 2
>
> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
> The priest nearly had an accident.
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
> her leg again.
> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
> said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
> Moral of the story
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.

How to loose weight

By Blog Dhaba-The Fun Blog

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new
gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on
the first day.

So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg.

They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel
bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.


He's standing there when on the far side of the gym
a door opens and out
steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying
" If you catch me, I'm yours ."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders,
down the
ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there.

And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears
through a
door.

In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh
him.

Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.


He's back on the street and starts to think.
" BOY , I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more
time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door.

When it opens out comes a Gorilla with a sign.
"If I catch you, you're mine."

The monkey shop

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the
shopkeeper,

"I'll have a C monkey please."

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and
took out a monkey.

He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll
be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,

"That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered,

"Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well
worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even
more expensive! $10,000!

What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey;

it can manage object- oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java.

All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey
in a cage of its own.

The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other
put together! What on earth does it do?" T he shopkeeper replied,
"Well, I haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other
monkeys call him the project manager."

visit http://blogdhaba.blogspot.com to read more such emails

Anti-Theft Lunch Bag

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Small things amuse large minds

Little Johnny

A grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class
to make rhymes with their names.

First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.
"My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan ,
If I can, If I can, If I can. "

"Very good", the teacher said to Dan. She then asked Sally that
it was now her turn.

"My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can. "

"That is good Sally," the teacher said. "But maybe one day you
will change your mind."

Next up was Little Jonny. He was the naughty one in the class.
Here is his rhyme:

"My name is Jonny,
When I grow up to be a man,
Never mind India and Japan ,
I'm gonna help Sally with her plan,
I know I can, I can, I can. "

contributed by:Blog Dhaba

Meet Sultan Rahi Pakistani Badass

Once, Newton came to Pakistan and watched a few Lollywood movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movies of Sultan Rahi, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:

1) Sultan Rahi has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Sultan Rahi is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!

Long Live Sultan Rahi!

2) In another movie, Sultan Rahi is confronted with 3 gangsters. Sultan Rahi has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Sultan Rahi is chased by a gangster. Sultan Rahi has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,Sultan Rahi opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.Bang… the gangster dies…

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.

Sultan Rahi gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Sultan Rahi can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Sultan Rahi has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Sultan Rahi suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide…

If you google my real name, the first hit is a NYTimes article that says I was in a gunfight and killed the other guy.

Ubersite - Chew, Shit Fun

Chew, Shit Fun (13470 hits)

Category: None Rating: 1.7 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V) X

Labels:

Submitted by russizm (View user info) at 2004-06-11 18:38:20 EDT

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Interesting!

https://wis.ntu.edu.sg/webexe88/owa/TDR_TELDIR.IND_STAFF?IDX=AAABgzAAGAABqxyAAC&TB_FG=P

http://www.ubersite.com/m/35583

http://www.ns.nie.edu.sg/faculty/chewsf.htm

How to stay awake in meetings

How to stay awake in meetings Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that. 1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5' x 5' is a good size. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks. 2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block: synergy revisit benchmark fast track touch base strategic fit expeditious value-added result-driven mindset core competencies to tell you the truth (or 'the truth is') proactive empower (or empowerment) client focus(ed) best practice 24/7 win-win knowledge base paradigm bottom line out of the loop think outside the box at the end of the day game plan 3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases. 4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout 'BULLSHIT!' Testimonials from satisfied 'Bull shit Bingo' players: 'I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won.' - Adam, Atlanta 'My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically.' - David, Florida 'What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win.' - Dan, New York City 'The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box.' - Ben, Denver 'The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours.' - Paul, Cleveland

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Blog Dhaba

4 Weird Shops That You Won’t See On The Corner

Deyrolle, The Creepiest Shop In Paris

Viktor & Rolf Milan, A True Head Spinner

Viktor & Rolf have a habit of designing eye-catching stores to compliment their fashion, but for their shop in Milan they took that ethos and multiplied it by a very large number. Designed by architect Siebe Tettero alongside Dutch SZI Design, the entirity of the shop's interior, apart from clothing, has been flipped upside down, from chandeliers on the floor to chairs on the ceiling. Even the front door. Walking around the place is beyond confusing, to the point where the constant brainpower required to stop yourself throwing up completely ruins the search for new trousers, which is a shame as that's something you may actually need on your exit.

Freitag's Container Shop, Recycled Head To Toe

Swiss company Freitag are responsible for making some of the most fashionable bags on the market, and not just because they look good - these bags are made from recycled materials, with an average Freitag bag consisting of a truck-tarp body and seatbelt strap. In 2006, for their flagship freeway shop in Zurich, the Freitag brothers decided to stick with this environmentally friendly stance and built a store from 17 rusty shipping containers, and it looks surprisingly inviting. At 26 metres in height the store offers quite a view from the top, one of the reasons why the brothers also decided to install a telescope at the summit in order for customers to take in the scenery, mostly consisting of a constant stream of trucks passing by.

Vancouver's Lido, A Local Mystery

Previously trading for decades, in the 1990s the shop stopped opening its doors to the public for no apparent reason. Everything inside the shop remained as it was on the last day of trading - the same tins of food, the same detergents, the same 1950s cash register - and the windows remained uncovered for curious passers-by to peer in, hoping to see something else that would provide another piece to what was becoming the local mystery. Then the windows became covered by the owner, probably realising the story was attracting too much attention, and people started to forget about the situation. Earlier this year the owner, a German lady who lived above the shop, died, and as clean-up crews set about clearing the place they found a huge range of retro goods, vintage clothing, crisp banknotes tucked under carpets and rugs, and a bag containing $400′000 in old notes.

More pics here,here

Just because they wear rose-colored glasses doesn't mean the landscape they see isn't rose-colored.

Get the bridge of your nose pierced to have a cool pair of glasses resting on them. Way too cool I'd say man.

She said `toilet' . . . they said `ewww' . . . he said `goodbye' . What class are you?

Christopher Howse's tongue-in-cheek quiz

The sore questions of class are in the air again. Was Kate Middleton just too middle class for Prince William? Must the future Queen of England only be upper class? And just how easy is it to tell a person's class?

According to Daily Telegraph letter writer Andrew Baxter, you can tell instantly the class of people by using the car test: "A couple taking another couple out for a drive would sit themselves thus: working class, men in the front. Middle class, man with his own partner in the front. Upper class, man with the other partner in the front."

So which class are you? Settle the matter once and for all with a tongue-in-cheek quiz...

1 Has your house got:

a A name and number?

b A name of your choosing?

c A name from time immemorial?

2 Sitting over drinks, do you:

a Say "Cheers"?

b Say "Cheers" and clink glasses?

c Say nothing?

3 Are you more likely to take a seaside holiday in:

a Cancun?

b Scotland?

c The Maldives?

4 Would you follow the hunt:

a At a distance by car?

b With an anti-hunt placard?

c On your own horse?

5 At breakfast do you like:

a Bio yogurt?

b Pop-Tarts?

c Porridge?

6 Have you got:

a A patio?

b Decking?

c A terrace?

7 At your children's weddings, will male guests wear:

a Morning dress?

b Dinner jackets?

c Lounge suits?

8 Do you ask for the:

a Lavatory?

b Bathroom?

c Toilet?

9 Do you send your children to:

a An old public school?

b A church school near which you have moved?

c The local school?

10 After dinner, do you:

a Leave your napkin loosely on the table?

b Fold your napkin neatly?

c Roll your napkin and put it in a ring?

11 Do your children have:

a PlayStation 3?

b A dressing-up box?

c Trivial Pursuit?

12 If you can't hear a remark, do you say:

a What?

b Say again?

c Pardon?

13 If you want butter with your roll at dinner, do you:

a Cut it in half and butter it?

b Break it in half and butter it?

c Break it up and butter bits as you eat them?

14 Would you prefer to read:

a Heat?

b The Field?

c The World of Interiors?

15 Do you associate Jordan with:

a Breakfast cereal?

b Petra?

c Peter André?

THE ANSWERS

1 a 10, b 20, c 30; 2 a 20, b 10, c 30; 3 a 10, b 30, c 20; 4 a 10, b 20, c 30; 5 a 20, b 10, c 30; 6 a 20, b 10, c 30; 7 a 30, b 10, c 20; 8 a 30, b 20, c 10; 9 a 30, b 20, c 10; 10 a 30, b 10, c 20; 11 a 10, b 30, c 20; 12 a 30, b 10, c 20; 13 a 10, b 20, c 30; 14 a 10, b 30, c 20; 15 a 20, b 30, c 10.

If you scored:

Below 200 You are cheerfully lower-class.

200 to 300 You are uneasily middle-class.

300 to 440 You probably have a coat of arms.

450 You are the Duke of Devonshire.

Hari Puttar

I tried that, but the jelly-fish in my toilet bowl kept laughing at my penis

Funny Emails
Posted on September 9, 2008 by Pradeep  

Image by Laughing Squid via Flickr

A budding poet trying his best…

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this…

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets.

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose…

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come
here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls…

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space….
(written high upon the wall)

If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson…

Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food…please aim properly.

From the archives: Restroom Signs A, Restroom Signs B

10 Words That Will Help You Win at Scrabble

I'm not a champion Scrabble player by any means - I often resort to words like "at" and "it" just to use up a turn. But with this list, hopefully I'll be a little more creative when using tiny little words. And if all else fails, there's always "ZQFMGB"… a worm found in New Guinea, according to Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes.

1. Aa. And I don't mean the acronym for Alcoholics Anonymous, either. Aa is "basaltic lava having a rough surface."
2. Qat – a flowering plant native to East Africa and the Arabian peninsula.
3. Zax – a slater or slate mason, or the tool used to cut and punch nail holes in roofing slate.
4. Cwm – a valley, especially one created by glacial movement. Be warned: this one won't get you many points, but it is good for using up pesky, low-score consonants taking up valuable space on your rack.
5. Xu – Vietnamese money
6. Qua – as or as being, or in the character of.
7. Suq – a market, or part of a market, in an Arab city.
8. Adz – an axe-like tool.
9. Jo – sweetheart or dear
10. Qadi – a judge in the Muslim community.

Funny Bill-Boards

From: amol limaye

There's some motherfuckers somewhere playin' us all like fools. This is no conspiracy shit.

Who_Needs_Nuts.jpg (JPEG Image, 555x475 pixels)

Well done, Sheep. The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that terrorism is a real thing which you will be subjected to at the first sign of defiance.

moutons.jpg (JPEG Image, 1500x1176 pixels) - Scaled (48%)

You've got to learn to accept that people have different ideas of what is valuable than you. Please consider compassion.

2008-09-03-NotVettingSarahPalin.jpg (JPEG Image, 677x931 pixels)

The usual gang of idiots over at MAD Magazine have once again offered Huffington Post readers the first look at some of their political coverage from the issue that hits stands October 14th.

(picture courtesy of DC Comics and MAD Magazine)

You're assuming she has a heart. Did you see that vapid smile?Of Course not. Neways she will haunt my nightmares.

Indian TV Host Slapped in the Face - Watch more free videos

And you thought them Rednecks don't have a sense of humor?

potw_03.jpg (JPEG Image, 611x404 pixels)

The Nokia 888 Can Change Shapes On The Fly

The Nokia 888 Can Change Shapes On The Fly

Flexible optics technology

Mobile phones of the near future.

.

Super cool animated gif

res32sk3.gif (GIF Image, 300x200 pixels)

Best Geek Tattoos: Geek 4 Life Sucka!

Did Anyone Else Notice This?

With all due respect to the dude.