Saturday, March 17, 2012

I give no fucks

If you are one of the 6.18 million people (and counting) who has watched YouTube sensation Randall's video "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger," you may be wondering whether or not it is true. 

Randall's narration is hilarious - and entirely accurate. Honey badger really DON'T care. If anything, the honey badger is even more badass than Randall's video gives it credit for. 

First, the name. Both "honey" and "badger" are misnomers. The honey badger is more closely related to weasels than to badgers (although both are mustelids). And although the honey badger enjoys snacking on the honey and grubs to be found in beehives, it is primarily a carnivore that will eat anything living or dead that crosses its path. 

(In parts of India where the honey badger is common, people have to take care to bury their deceased well. Honey badgers are notorious for digging up and eating human corpses.) 

In one of the more remarkable video clips, the honey badger is shown being bitten by a cobra. The honey badger seems to fall asleep for a while. It then wakes up, groggily shakes off the effects of the venom, and continues eating the cobra. 

This is possible because the honey badger is one of the few animals in the world which is immune to cobra venom. (This short list of distinguished animals includes the hedgehog, the mongoose, and the secretary bird.) Cobra venom is a neurotoxin which causes paralysis, drowsiness, and respiratory failure in most animals. It does seem to make the honey badger a bit sleepy, and this may be just a mild side effect of the venom's progress. It certainly doesn't slow the honey badger down for very long. {Read On}

Somedays you are the honey badger and somedays you are the snake.

Honey, honey badger
Oh, honey, honey badger
how thick-skinned could you be
Honey, honey badger
oh, honey honey badger
is your name the only sweet

When you're young
your voice is sad and small
when you grow old
it will be hoarse, when you call
call Khrya-ya-ya-ya-ya
we watch you tearing snakes
we stare at something
so fearless
and laugh

The only sure way
to kill you, my friend
is a club to the skull
a bullet to the head
Oh, honey honey badger
Oh, honey honey badger
They hate you, where you live
Oh Khrya-ya-ya-ya-ya
it might be a gentler way to go
than to be our entertainment

My is skin is so thin
I am so often scared
When people talk about me
I give a shit, I really care
You could rip me to my bones
You could survive what I won't
Oh, honey honey badger
Oh, honey honey badger
we kill what we love
and love to laugh at our betters