Thursday, November 18, 2010

Victoria's secret: 'I'm not wearing any undies.'

May 24th - Happy Victoria Day, drunken Canadians! Victoria Day is a famous holiday invented a million years ago in Olde Englande - possibly the Victorian age, I'll Wikipedia it later - to celebrate Queen Victoria, a frumpy fat lady (note: fat for the time period, by modern standards she'd wear a size Medium at Wal-Mart) who was Queen of Olde Englande And Her Majestic Vermin-Infested Colonies. She married her first cousin and plopped out 9 inbred kids, continuing a long tradition among British monarchs of fucking their relatives. She was so good at being incestuous and fat that we named a city full of smiling, colonial plump-faced white people in Ye Olde Britishe Columbiae after her. We also named a holiday in May after her, because Canadians salivate over the prospect of getting any possible day off from their miserable soul-crushing jobs. {Read on}