The Japanese think they're unfunny. I try to document as many instances as possible that contradict this...

I present to you THE JAPANESE JACK OFF MACHINE. This is a real product. And for all you ladies out there,there's one for you too!

I have never seen a blowjob machine, however once the Japanese invent it it will have a line in the instruction manual like "挿入陰茎マシンに" which is akin to "Insert Penis into machine", and there my friend is the potential for things to go horribly wrong.

The stainless steel construction that led you to purchase this particular model could very well crush your manhood into something resembling mangled liverwurst.

Or the variable saliva emulator may malfunction causing a short circuit and deep fry your little friend.

Or simply the variable speed contra-rotating controls may decide to kick into overdrive of their own accord, peeling your penis like a banana.

Humans are not flawless either, but at least I can donkey punch my way out if something goes wrong.