Corrosive Canvas: [Note: I took liberal descriptions of the violence suggested. No real people were assaulted in the making of this story. Any resemblances to people, living or dead, would scare the piss out of me.]

I don’t like to negotiate with people that I can’t beat up

Years ago, I was watching "Titanic." I didn't want to, but my girlfriend was there, and I knew after she gets weepy, she does this "cuddle with me thing," and then that night will be full of sex where her submission turns her on and she doesn't reject anything I ask. Awesome. Anyway, not three minutes into the previews, these kids with laser pointers start showing off. Now, I was a kid once, I understand. But this was annoying my girlfriend and could jeopardize me ripping her tank top off later (man, she was hot, guys, I am telling you...).

The management was next to useless. They sent in some teenager who did little than ask them to "quit it" with a tone in his voice that suggested he just was phoning it in. What has happened with today's youth? Anyway, one guy couldn't stop a dozen teens shining these pointers everywhere. The crowd was getting annoyed, and half the kids were pointing the laser pointers at breast and crotches. I figured they'd get bored and stop, but my girlfriend was all, "why doesn't someone DO something?"

"Someone." That meant me.

At that very moment, one of the moppets shined a laser into my eyes. That hurt! So I tap him on the shoulder and say "The screen was stupid enough, don't shine it in people's eyes." I used the voice my drill sergeant used on my when I really fucked up during basic training. Not the yelling voice, the low, "you're ass is mine for the next week, BOY," voice. But he turns around and says "Whatever dad" and shines it at my eyes.

The rest was a blur. Years of combat training in the dark acted before I could think. In less than a second, I had a cutthroat hold on the kid's neck and dragged his scrawny ass up over the seats down into my row. I slammed his Nickelback-loving emo frame into the sticky cement floor and whispered with gritted teeth, "I am gonna make you EAT that laser pointer now, BOY."

"You can't scare me. You can't do--" he started to say, but I slapped him so hard, I saw my handprint (with ridges) instantly leave a mark on his soft cheeks.

"What's that, boy?" I asked.

"Please stop," my girl said, but that was not the safety word.

"I'LL CALL THE COPS ON YOU JARHEAD."

"Eat the laser pointer." I said, twisting it from his fingers, long and slender from years of sissy clarinet playing.

"FUCK Y--"

I punched him hard in the face. "EAT THE LASER POINTER, MAGGOT!" I said. He just gritted his teeth and pursed his lips indicating I couldn't force his mouth open without a struggle.

He fucked with the wrong guy.

I then punched him repeatedly in the face. First punch cut his lips with his braces. Second punch make a snapping noise as the sharp dental wires broke free from their tension of the ties and whipped around his closed mouth. Two more punches produced a crack as his teeth caved in, snapping at the roots. At one point, I felt his jaw shift, indicating a break in the mandible joint. His face went floppy as I pulled his jaw down and forced the laser pointer into the blood-filled pie hole.

"Swallow," I said.

"Stop it!" my girl said.

"Leave him alone," said some onlookers. But none of them approached close enough to be a threat.

"SWALLOW IT LIKE YOU SWALLOW YOUR DAD'S DICK!" I screamed. I felt warmth spread across my knee as I realized the moppet must have pissed himself. "I WILL PARALYZE YOU FOR LIFE," I screamed. "I HAVE CLEARANCE AND LICENSE TO KILL BY YOUR GOVERNMENT FOR THREATENING A MILITARY OFFICER. YOU WILL SWALLOW THIS."

I watched him try. He gagged, and threw up a little. But on the third attempt, I watched it go down along with parts of his teeth.

"NOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT AGAIN, BOY?" He shook his head. He was too scared to open them. He was trying to sob as bloody chunks came from his broken nose. "YOU GONNA RUN TO THE COPS?" He shook his head emphatically. "YOU GONNA EVER ASSAULT A SPECIALLY TRAINED OFFICER WHO FIGHTS TO PROTECT YOUR FREEDOMS? DON'T SHAKE YOUR PINHEAD, BOY. SAY YES. SAY YES SIR!!"

"Yes sir..." he said weakly. Blood was pouring from his mouth as he spoke.

"I CAN'T YEAR YOU."

"I want to go home..." he whined.

"Say YES SIR before I carve it into your face!"

"Yes sir!" he said.

"Now... go sit your skinny ass down, and enjoy the movie! And apologize to the people around you for being a dumb ass." I tossed him over the row again, landing his back and neck across the arm rests.

To his credit, he did apologize. None of his friends shined a pointer at anything else for the rest of the film. And my girlfriend was silent during the whole film. I must have scared her bad, because she let me do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to her that night. Silent the whole time.