Cool Shit My Wife Says

She: When I jogged past the house on the corner, I swear I thought I heard a PENGUIN in the bushes.

Me: What does a penguin sound like?

She: I don't know.

Me: Did you hear that the earthquake in Chile may have changed the rotation of the earth, making our days shorter?

She: I thought I noticed something different driving home tonight.

{But Seriously}