Image by Adam Foster | Codefor via FlickrDuring his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
"Well, sir," is the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir."
The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."
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Same setup: New marine assigned to a remote post. Asks what the other men do for.. uh, relief of.. um, urges. Sergeant tells him, "Oh, that's what the barrel is for." Leads the new marine behind the barracks where there's a wooden barrel with a hole in the middle.
At first the new guy is like, WTF, I'm not sticking my dick in a hole in a barrel. But after several days, curiosity and the lack of female companionship get the better of him and he sneaks around back and tries it out.
"My God!" he exclaims to the sergeant afterward, "That barrel is amazing! I don't know what you've got in there, but I'm going to use that barrel every day!"
"Every day except Wednesday," the sergeant says.
"What? Why not Wednesday?"
"Wednesday is your day in the barrel."
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A man is buying some dog food in a pet shop when he sees a sign: "Frog for sale. $4000."
"What?" he asks the owner, "$4000 for a frog?"
"Yes," the shop owner says. "This is a special frog, bred for dexterity and extreme intelligence by a team of biologists. These frogs are very smart and can be trained to do lots of complicated tasks. What's more, each frog is trained in a different skill by the breeders before being sold. This particular frog, for example, has been trained to give the best oral sex in the world."
"Oral sex?"
"Yes."
"You mean blow jobs?"
"Yes. Absolutely the best in the world."
"From a frog?"
"That's right."
"Are you joking with me?"
"No, sir," says the shop keeper. "Look, I can tell you're skeptical. Here's what you can do. Write me a check, take the frog home, try it out, and if you don't agree that it's the most mind-numbing life-altering orgasm of your entire life, just return the frog tomorrow and I'll give your money back."
The man is too curious to resist, so he pays the shop keeper and takes the frog home. He hides the frog from his wife (because, really, how is he going to explain this?) and then waits for her to fall asleep before sneaking downstairs to try out the frog.
Four hours later. The wife wakes up, alone in the bed. She calls out for her husband and gets no answer. Looks at the clock; it's 3:00 am. There are loud banging noises coming from downstairs.
Cautiously she creeps downstairs and into the kitchen. The kitchen is a complete disaster. There are pots and pans and bowls strewn about the room. Broken egg shells are on the counter. A carton of milk is on the floor. She steps on a stick of butter as she enters the room. There is flour everywhere. The floor is covered in flour, there's flour on the walls, there's flour on the ceiling. And in the middle of the room is her husband, naked and covered with flour. He is holding a mixing bowl, and beside him on the counter is a frog, also covered in flour, holding a wooden spoon in its mouth.
"Honey!" she says, "What the hell is going on in here!"
The man turns to her and says, "Don't 'honey' me! If I can teach this frog to make biscuits, you're out of here!"
