Monday, March 29, 2010

Leaving the country in two days. What the fuck has the US become.

German woodcut of a medieval wedding ceremony ...Image via Wikipedia
I got divorced as I found out she was sleeping with another man. I lost my kids. I have to pay her $4000 each month according to the family court decision and I don't get to oversee that this cash is in fact spent on them.

What the heck is wrong with family court?

I won't have it, this country is fucked up with its family court. I have moved all my money to safe bank accounts and tomorrow I am leaving this country for Europe. I can do this because I work for an international company and they have previously offered me a position in Sweden which I have now taken.

I need to take care of my kids though. What I will do is transfer money to my sister who actually lives nearby my ex-wife. She will visit my ex-wife and assess what the kids need. My kids often visit my sister, almost daily, and she will make sure they are fed and have an allowance.

Wow, man, I can relate, though hearing all of this is a bit disappointing.

I give my ex and her new husband (they had an affair when both were married, he's on his third marriage now) $2100/month. My two kids are with me around 60% of the time (overnights in 2009). In actually hours, they are with me 4x as much as they are with her. The combined household income at her place has exceeded what I earn. They have new cars and a lakehouse - that my kids have been to twice in 1.5 years. I live check to check, with little savings.

She is uncooperative in parenting my kids, and flat out destructive. She won't agree to have them doing a set of overlapping chores at each house, won't agree to cooperate on major parenting issues, nothing. Won't participate in any activity I enroll them in, she'll go participate when I agree to an activity she chose and her friends with similar aged kids are there. Meanwhile, I go out of my way to co-parent, meet all contractual obligations with her, and bust my ass for my kids. The first two I'm strict with in the hope that I can show a judge how shitty she is and I'll get custody. So far, attorneys have told me not to have that fight because I'll not only likely lose custody, but pay MORE in child support. Part of me hasn't believed them, but I've stayed away from court on custody so far. I do keep hearing more and more stories that confirm the fact that I, and my kids, are simply fucked, though. She's just a court supported brick tied around all of our necks.

I'm divorced and remarried for 9 years now. I have shared equal split 50/50 custody of my two sons. According to the schedule they spend a few more overnights with her throughout the year. She has them during the school year and I have them most weekends and all summer. My current wife and I figured out that in reality I have them more hours since they are in school or at daycare when with her; which the daycare is bullshit given that they are 10 and 12 years old. I am ordered to pay $800/mo for two kids, that I have half the time, have more hours, that my ex won't allow me to watch instead of them going to daycare, that the court said my ex can choose whomever she wants to watch the kids.

Why? because the local governments get approximately 66 cents in government money for every $1 the collect. I've shown the court that my ex, whom I believe has munchausen by proxy, hundreds of Dr's appointments, thousands of doses of medicine, she moved residence 5 to 6 times, been separated from her current husband twice, once right after she broke an arm (she said while exercising) but the kids at the time said mommy said that her new husband broke it. The kids have said that they throw stuff at each other, and they have seen the two have sex on several occasions. And the court didn't care - even though most of that initially came from the kids mouth first. And each time before a court hearing she moves back in with her current husband and puts the kids back at the same school - And the courts were shown this fact - and still don't care. It's all about $$$

Meanwhile my current wife and I have never fought in 9 years, have moved twice. My current wife has 4 kids of her own, we have no biological kids together. I've helped raise those kids as well - all while I allow my wife to be a house wife - which has paid off endlessly. 2 of the four are grown and moved out, with nursing jobs, married, kids of their own and doing well. The other two step children that live at home still are on superior honor roll for advanced classes, the 15 year old girl is in lawyers club at the local municipal building, is starting college courses (will have half of college completed prior to graduating). Both are athletic. We taught them to be well rounded, not naive and are open with them about issues of drugs, sex and how the real life works. Meanwhile my son gets a D on his report cards and my ex who is never around gives him .25 cents for it, I ground him but it is futile since he goes back to her with no punishment to adhere to. My ex lives like a slob also (if I get around to finding them I should post pictures :) All in all, I originally paid $315/mo, always updated my information per the court order and made sure the deduction always came out of my check, only fell behind once in payments. I let her take the time to finish school, get remarried, get two cars for herself and a house and a boat and now a second house. I asked for them to modify the agreement since she makes more than I do, and I have them half the time, instead they nearly tripled it. Now I have to work 60 hours a week just to stay afloat. I have no savings, no retirement, no insurance.

It's been eating away at me emotionally and I want to do something about it, but I'm completely lost as to what to do.