Thursday, March 25, 2010

He's so cool, he doesn't have 'errands', He has 'missions'.

"...not as easy as it used to be" [p...Image by Don Solo via Flickr
Now, I volunteer at this orphanage and while on the third floor, I was talking to one of the older ones about the site and how I'm trying to come up with a clever username when one of the younger ones, a little girl called Jenny, overheard and asked if they could pick it for me. So what the heck, I said "Sure!" but before she had a chance to tell me anything, a huge CRASH and a bunch of shouting was heard from downstairs. I tell the kids to stay still and be quiet while I go down to investigate. Quietly, I go down and peak from around the corner to see my worst fears come true: heavily armed Libertarian extremists have taken over the orphanage. They had AK-47s, grenades, KA-BAR knives... the works! Now you should know that when I was eighteen, my parents were killed by Randian pirates so this was the one thing I didn't want to have happen. But whatever fear I had was inconsequential to the corresponding rage I felt.

Anyways, one of the extremists, Sully if the radio chatter I overheard is to be trusted, was going up the stairs to round up the orphans. I managed to get the drop on him and tie him up. I was interrogating him and at a certain point he said "The kids here don't play baseball, do they?", I said no and so he asked me if I knew why they didn't. I gave him an honest answer "We don't have any equipment and there isn't a baseball diamond near here" to which he responded "No. You're wrong." So I humoured him and asking him why they didn't play baseball. "Because they have no clue where home is." Well despite the seriousness of the situation (or perhaps directly due to it), I laughed out loud and told him "You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last", duct-tapped his mouth and put him in a closet as I then focused on neutralizing all the other extremists.

After several exciting action sequences and cat-and-mouse games with the extremists, I manged to recapture the orphanage. Unfortunately, five bad-guys, including Sully and the leader, a man name Bennett, managed to get away in their van with one hostage: Jenny. Despite my fear that I would shoot myself in the leg or a grenade would blow up in my pocket, I still grab the weapons of the fallen extremists, get on one of their motorcycles and give chase. Due to their head start, the van is barely in my view and I'm having trouble keeping a visual when they get on the highway. Now I have two bad options: drive around onto the on ramp to follow them during which case, I will lose sight of them and they will have a chance to escape, or keep my visual by getting immediately on the highway by driving the wrong way and dodging hundreds of incoming vehicles. I chose the second option.

Dodging and weaving through all the traffic, eventually the van IDs me and the van door opens and they start firing on me. The problem is, I can't return fire because I clearly see Jenny in the van and I could accidentally shoot her or shoot the drive causing the van to violently crash. Fortunately, up ahead is a truck caring ply-wood, I shoot at the wood's tether, snapping it and causing the wood to spill all over the place. As hoped, one of the pieces ended up resting at an angle between the cement border of the median and the road on my side. I used this as a ramp to shoot up from my side but overshoot my landing and drop between the van and the cement wall. The van is now focused on me, swerving, trying to pin me to the wall. I keep accelerating and decelerating, the van always missing me, but the misses are getting closer and closer until I notice something up ahead. This time, I keep my speed constant and the van moves to the left lane to build up the momentum to get rid of me once and for all. I no longer try to resist. It swerves to the right forcing me to go up against the solid unforgiving cement wall that is.... no longer there. They were so focused on me, that they missed the fact that they suddenly swerved onto an exit with no more walls, only grass.

Well obviously the grass slows me down a bit and they're gaining speed so as I'm urging the bike back onto the road, I see that they suddenly stop and Sully gets out with Jenny and starts waking towards me waving to me. Kind of odd that he would do that, especially without bothering to bring out any weapons but I figured they just wanted to cut their losses and chose the guy with whom I had something of a rapport to arrange the deal. So I stop the bike, go up to him and he pretty much confirms what I suspected, they just want me to take Jenny and we will both go our separate ways.

Now as you can imagine I was quite angry during the exchange due to everything I had just suffered through and despite Sully being unarmed, it took me everything to not pull the trigger but then he let go of Jenny, she walked to my side and said "I want to go home." This reminded me of Sully's joke and his expression also seemed to indicate he had the same thought so I told him "Looks like you were wrong" but I was still pointing the gun at him. And then I remembered what my response to his joke was. "I promised to kill you last." "That's right, you did." I point the gun down and turn around with Jenny, walking towards the motorcycle. Suddenly movement! I turn around to see Sully grabbing for a gun hidden beneath his back. We both shoot; he misses, I don't. And as he lays there dying, I bring my face a few inches from his and tell him "I am a no good liar." As I say that, I here the sound of the wheels of the van squealing away, I look up, see the van door still open and without thinking, grab a grenade, pull the pin and lob it in their direction even though there's no way I could make that throw. And I was right, I missed the huge open door. Instead, the grenade went into the open back window right next to the gas tank. As I turn around towards the motorcycle, ignoring the explosion from behind, Jenny says: "That should be your name" and so it is.