Sir, I've been playing the piano for years, and I'd like to apply for this job.

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A man is walking by a restaraunt, and he sees a sign that says, "Pianist needed." He goes inside and asks to speak to the manager.
He says, "Sir, I've been playing the piano for years, and I'd like to apply for this job."
The manager says, "Well, all right, sit down at the piano, and let's hear you play."

The man sits down at the piano and plays the most stunningly beautiful piece the manager has ever heard. Wiping tears from his eyes, he asks the man what the name of the song was. The man replied, "That was the I Just Walked In On My Girlfriend farking My Dog Blues."

The manager blinks, then shrugs and asks the man to play another. The man nods and launches into another stunningly meautiful ballad. He manages to attract the attention of almost everyone in the restaraunt, and when he finishes up, the manager again asks the man what the name of the song was. The man replied, "That was the I farked Some Ho And Now My Dick Is Rotting Off Sonata."

The manager, impressed by the man's talent, hires him on the spot, on the condition that he will never, ever tell any of the customers the names of his songs. The man agrees and shows up the next night to play the piano at a fancy dinner. Again, he amazed his audience, people are in tears.

He stood up, saying he was going to take ten, and headed off to the bathroom to take a whiz. In his haste, he forgets to zip his zipper, and as he's walking out the door, another man stops him and says, "Hey, man, do you know your fly is open and your cock's hanging out?"

"Know it!" The pianist crowed, "I wrote it!"

*****

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles he asks the driver what the monkey is for.

The driver says, "I'll show you" - and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.

The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker head.

When finished, the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard.

"See that?" said the trucker.

The man said, "Yeah".

The trucker asked the man, "You want to try it?"

The man said, "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!"