Sunday, October 28, 2007

How To Hide An Unwanted Erection

In the right place, an erection is a wonderful thing. But an out-of-context boner can cause embarrassment. We'll show you how to shackle your tackle and hide your hard-on.

Step 1:
Clothing choices
If Mr. Happy is constantly coming out to play then make your clothing work for you.
There are lots of techniques to disguise your junk - the secret is in choosing the right combination.
Tight underwear can help to keep your tiger in its cage, but it does bunch things up rather.
So combine with some loose trousers to hide the resulting bulge.
If you're more of boxers man, then wearing loose, light clothing like linen trousers or jogging bottoms is fatal - if the circus comes to town, your little clown will have no problem pitching his big top where everyone can see.
So with boxers, wear fabrics like thick denim which are too heavy for your little body builder to bench-press.
For added protection wear a loose, long shirt that will hang down and conceal your shame stick.

Step 2:
Body positioning
When your little man becomes a rebel with a cause, lean casually against a wall, lifting one leg and resting your foot behind you. This should cause ol' James Dean to run parallel with your thigh rendering him almost invisible.
Watching the world go by can be a hazardous activity, willy-wise. In a man-root emergency, act immediately by positioning your body to create space between your trousers and your jolly pink giant.

Step 3:
Use the fist
Negate the impact of an incriminating dingaling by placing your hand in your pocket and curling it into a fist. To the onlooker, the bulge is your hand, not your he-ham.
Depending on how strongly you're straining at the leash, you may also need to pull your hand away from your body slightly. Alternatively place a large object - like an oversized wallet or a bottle of water - in your pocket to create the same effect.

Step 4:
The cover
If all else fails, find a suitably incongruous object to conceal your flesh-flute. Make sure it's in keeping with your surroundings though - remember, subtlety is the name of the game.

Step 5:
Mind over matter
Once you've comfortably concealed your love-lance, you need to get rid of it before suspicions are aroused. Have in your arsenal a list of images so deeply unerotic that they will immediately extinguish your ardour.
Choose your images carefully - it's surprising how innocent images can become strangely erotic under pressure.
Instead relax and let the moment pass.

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