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1. Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, its all tongue and groove...
2. A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say its definitely race related...
3 . Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8...
4. Paddy got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking him for his interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency...
5. The lead actor in the local Pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped, by the gay genie on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.
